HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (15)

Director: Tommy Wirkola
Written by: Tommy Wirkola
Starring: Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton, Famke Janssen

Revenge is sweeter than candy
 

Despite a promising looking trailer, and an excellent cast, this film has built up a lot of negative hype, which was stoked when the release date was delayed by almost a year. Mostly shot in 2011 and intended for March 2012 showings, cinema-goers in the UK now finally have a chance to see this horror-cum-fantasy film. Remember when “R” used the mantra in “Warm Bodies”, “Don’t be creepy! Don’t be creepy!”? Well, when I sat down in front of the screen for this movie, I found myself thinking “Please don’t be Van-Helsing! Don’t be Van-Helsing!” Dark fantasies and fairy-tale horrors don’t seem to have a good reputation in this genre. Can this confound the critics and beat expectations?

“Hansel & Gretel”, of course, expands on the fairy tale by the Brothers Grimm. Taking place in an unspecified mediaeval time and country, the prologue depicts the well-known story with the brother and sister being dumped in the forest by their parents and chancing upon the candy-house with the wicked witch. Having despatched her, the credits (a nice mediaeval diorama with great 3D effects) show them growing up and becoming mercenary “Witch-Hunters”. Now portrayed by Gemma Arterton and Jeremy Renner, they are hired by towns to find the missing children (Witches eat them. Obviously.) And also to execute the aforementioned non-humans. With a nice line in MacGyver gadgets that are well before their invented time, and a pissed-off attitude towards anything witchy, they get to work in one such town. However, they uncover a secret coven (led by Witch-Queen, Famke Janssen), who are preparing to enact a secret rite which will make them harder to kill. With the aid of some new friends, and a troll called Edward, they prepare to kick some Hag-Ass!

Okay. There are some things that don’t hit the mark with the film. Even for a 3D film, and one set often in deep forests in the night, the cinematography is quite murky and dark. The plot is silly, doesn’t stand up to scrutiny, and meanders all over the place (especially in the middle section). Some of the plot “twists” are telegraphed with neon lights and fog horns. And you can’t watch any scene with broomstick flying, without thinking they’re going to break into a game of Quidditch, or that a Stormtrooper is going to appear on a Speeder-Bike with an Ewok on his back!

However … for the life of me, I just do not understand the amount of vitriol and distaste that has been thrown at this film by most film critics. Some high-profile UK critics have already proclaimed it to be the worst film of the year! (In February? Have a crystal ball do you lads? You’ve obviously lost a sense of fun…). It’s a good, goofy romp and all the more enjoyable for it. It’s well directed by Tommy Wirkola (His first film after the great Nazi-Zombie movie “Dead Snow”) and there are some very nice set-pieces that work well in 3D (especially the flaming crossbow-bolt, and the slow-mo, morphing bullet shot). It also has a brilliant line in sly humour that is quite atypical of the genre. Parchments of missing children are stuck to milk bottles (mimicking the US campaigns). The siblings have a stalker, who collects pages of mediaeval coverage of their exploits (“Orphaned Siblings defeat Swamp Witch!!”). Gretel forms a friendship with the troll called Edward (STILL a better love story than Twilight!), which can’t be a coincidence! As mentioned, the brother and sister have souped-up gadgets, including the world’s first tazer and the earliest record-player! It’s all done with such an infectious knowing wink, that you can’t help thinking that one of the producers, Will Ferrell, suggested a few ideas! The (great) final line of the film could have been easily ripped out of an 80’s action film with Stallone or Swarzenegger. It kind of feels like that as well. 80’s action, with touches of “Evil Dead” (One villain is the dead-spit of the “Cellar Witch” and there’s a great physical fight with her in a cottage.). Where else these days can you see a large group of witches, being mown down by supernaturally charged Gatling gun? Incidentally, it’s really good to see the film NOT go down the PG-13 route. Bodies are ripped asunder and explode, heads are cut off, and the siblings swear like drunken sailors (Please take note, makers of “Die Hard 5” and “Taken 2”!!)

Of course it wouldn’t work at all, if not for the main actors. Arterton has a ball as Gretel! All bitchy attitude, she witch-slaps her way through the movie, dropping the F-Bomb as if there’s no tomorrow! Hopefully, she’ll be up for some more action-orientated roles. Hansel could have been played by any decent physical actor really, but at least Renner injects a bit of personality into the role. He becomes endearingly tongue-tied and goofy, when the local peasant girl puts the moves on him. Best of all though is Famke Janssen. She hisses and hams and coos her way through the lines, showing all how a real witch should act.

So in retrospect, it certainly isn’t the disappointment that “Van-Helsing” was. It’s not a work of art or an award-winning effort, but it is a good, fun-filled, bloody romp, with nicely judged performances and some off-the-wall humour. And at the end of the day … what’s wrong with that?

Despite some shortcomings, this is a good, unpretentious, silly romp. There are solid performances from Arterton, Janssen and Renner, and a nice line in sly humour. Witch-Hunt it out for some guilty pleasure.

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MAMA

Mama (15)

Director: Andres Muschietti
Written by: Neil Cross, Andres & Barbara Muschietti
Starring: Nikolaj Coster Waldau, Jessica Chastain

A mother's love  is forever
 

“Mama” has a very fine pedigree. Produced by “Mr Everywhere” himself, Guillermo Del Toro, and starring the talented Jessica Chastain, it was a much anticipated movie this year. A collaboration between Spanish-Canadian film-makers, it was directed by relative newcomer Andres Muschietti, being based on his spooky (very) short film that had drawn attention on YouTube. The film has been received exceptionally well in the US, and has just opened in the UK (22nd Feb). The trailer promised a spooky J-Horror type affair, as oppose to an all-out gore-fest. So how does it measure up?

The film opens dramatically, with a crashed car, a business man with a gun, and two scared little girls. Apparently driven over the edge by the financial crisis in 2008, the man in question blows his wife away, and kidnaps his little girls (a 3 year old and a 1 year old). They crash the car and end up in a deserted cabin in the woods during a snowstorm. (Seriously! Just how many deserted cabins are there in the US? There’s a business opportunity there I reckon…). Intending to do away with the girls, he is stopped by “something”. This “something” then takes care of the girls, and I mean genuinely take care, not Mafia “take care”. The story then flashes forward 5 years. The brother of the businessman (Lucas) is obsessively still searching for his sibling and the girls. The tracker working for him comes across the car and the cabin and finds the girls in a feral state, scampering around on all-fours and eating fruit from the forest. Due to a convoluted set of circumstances (where the girl’s Aunt comes across like Cruella Deville’s wicked sister!), the girls end up with Lucas, and his snippy, Goth-Rocker girlfriend Annabel. Given a large house by the supervising doctor, so he can keep an eye on their integration back into society (or so he says *cue sinister music*). We already know that Annabel is thrilled not to be pregnant, so the sub-text exists for her finding her maternal instinct with the girls. However, with strange happenings around the house, and a sudden accident, it becomes apparent that something malignant has followed the girls back to civilisation.

The film opens solidly. The initial sense of tension and the very brief glimpses of “Mama” (“Daddy? There’s a lady outside … and she’s not touching the floor!”), work well and compares favourably to the likes of “The Grudge” and “The Ring”. I must also mention the stunning cinematography that makes it a such a  good-looking film, with colours muted for large portions and contrast between light and dark turned up to “11” (Spinal Tap reference. I thank you…). This is especially apparent in some fantastically stylish Nightmare sequences. There are some very nice set-pieces; like the scene where the youngest child is playing with her sister … only it’s not as she walks down the corridor a second later! Also, the scenes where the oldest girl implores Annabel not to open the closet, and the unexpected attack on a leading character. All good stuff, although some of the scares seem to be lifted shot-for-shot from other recent films (I’m thinking “Sinister” and “Insidious” here … especially the face-over-the-shoulder shot in “Insidious”). You can argue that the scares are somewhat telegraphed and rely on the old chestnut of SUDDEN-SOUNDTRACK-BLAST to make you jump. But at least in the beginning, these are effective in what they set out to do.

Special mention must go to Jessica Chastain. A closet horror fan (Yay!!) but not a fan of gore (Boo!!), she was pleased to take the role and make it hers. Miles away from her caring Burlesque girl in “Lawless” or the tough-cookie agent in “Zero Dark Thirty”, Annabel is a sassy character, who has believable problems in bonding with the girls. This makes the later scenes where she comforts one of them that much more touching and affecting. You can tell she has lots of fun with the role. She really sells some of the scare scenes as well. Incidentally, it’s great that we are experiencing a cinematic era, where actors of Chastain’s and Ethan Hawke’s calibre have no problem appearing in unashamed horror films. The two girls are also particularly good (Megan Charpentier & Isabelle Nelisse). Never mawkish or Disney-fied, they convince at every point, whether acting feral or trying protect Annabel from the wrath of “Mama”.

You can sense a “but” coming up here can’t you? Especially if you’ve already checked the rating…But… It just doesn’t work for me, for a number of reasons. The biggest problem for me was (surprisingly) the ending. About 15 minutes from the end of the movie, it turns from spooky scare-fest to a Tim Burton film, complete with Danny Elfman choir-type “Aaah-Aaah” vocals! And not one of his good films either! It’s like the crew has handed the camera over to him, and said “Go on Son! Forget about the atmosphere we’ve just built up. Go mental with the special effects and do what you feel is appropriate”. But not only that, the final denouement completely contradicts at least two plot points that were earlier established, and smacks of an emergency re-write. I can’t remember a recent film that’s had a final act that I’ve felt was such a drop in quality.

There are also far too many holes in the plot to convince either. Why doesn’t Lucas tell anyone about his supernatural attack? Why is his brother’s spirit appearing to him to save his girls, when he was going to shoot them anyway? What happened to the cute sausage dog?! The doctor and aunt turn out to be pantomime villains for ridiculous reasons. Another sticking point were the pre-movie hype statements that said the actor playing “Mama”, Javier Botet (The slender guy who plays the “Hag” in the “Rec” movies) was doing all his own movements and bendy stunts. Well, that may be, but it’s kind of negated when he’s surrounded by flowing CGI hair and black smoke, so you can’t even see it! Initially scary, the figure becomes the Wicked Witch of the West by the (Tim Burton) end. At one point “Mama” even slides around the floor with just her hair showing, like a possessed wig! (BTW, see “The Wig”. Genuine South Korean bonkers film!)

Maybe I am being overly harsh on the film, but the flashes of brilliance and talent involved make the overall disappointment that much worse. As it stands it’s not something that we haven’t seen before, and it’s not something that we haven’t seen done better (“The Orphanage” and “The Devil’s Backbone” leap straight to mind ironically). However, it’s certainly gone down a storm in the US and rumours are already rife of a sequel. I suppose it’s good news for horror in general, but I’d much rather see something in the genre like “Dredd” or “Before Dawn” have that same kind of impact…
Ah well, the “Evil Dead” and “Stoker” trailers were good…

This has a solid beginning, with great performances from Chastain and the two girls. But the scares are derivative, the plot convoluted, and … that ending! A real missed opportunity.

GRAVE ENCOUNTERS 2

Grave Encounters 2 (15)

Director: John Poliquin
Screenplay: The Vicious Brothers
Starring: Richard Harmon, Shawn C Phillips

Fear is just a word, reality is much worse

Right up front, I’ll say that I did NOT enjoy or even like the original “Grave Encounters”. In fact I still get a bit of heartburn when I think about it (although that could be the dodgy local Vindaloo I had last night…). It was (in my humble opinion) one of the more annoying Blair Witch / Paranormal Activity / Found Footage mash-ups that I have ever seen. With unlikable characters, making stupid decisions, whilst filming in a haunted asylum, and encountering the usual white-faced spooks, with that interminable stretchy-dark-mouthed effect, that film-makers think scares us, and the usual throw-the-actor-at-the-camera type shocks. And … breathe! Yes … I am getting cynical and pissed-off in my old age. Anyway there was way too much ambiguity and too many telegraphed scares for me. However, on this site as well as cinema reviews, we want to highlight any overlooked DVDs that may tickle your fear-buds. The apparent success of the first film (and an admittedly stylish trailer, which clocked multiple views on YouTube) meant that the sequel recently appeared. So I watched “Grave Encounters 2” and I must say … I was pleasantly surprised…

The movie opens with a nice montage of “genuine” webcam reviews on the first film. To the credit of the film, not all of them are positive. It’s a nice touch, and done in a way that “Blair Witch 2” tried to pull off but failed dismally with it. The worst review comes from Alex Wright (Richard Harmon), who is the archetypical film-student snob, and fancies himself as a respected blogger and talented director (His crappy film project suggests otherwise…). The first part of the film deals with him and his friends following up on the urban legends surrounding the first film. As Alex researches it becomes apparent that all the events of the first film were real, and that the haunted hospital exists in real life. All during this time, the film consists of footage filmed by Alex or his buddies, and is just about believable in context. Yes, it IS a found footage film again, but bear with it. This continues when Alex tracks down the production company who released the film and uses a hidden camera to interview staff. In a brilliant touch, The “Vicious Brothers” (who directed the first film and wrote both) appear as themselves and are ridiculed soundly.

With this backstory now established, Alex and his buddies travel to the mental hospital to spend the night and film. It was at this point that I groaned so loudly that the neighbours knocked on my door to see if I was alright. Another straight re-tread of the first film? Well, for about 10 minutes, yes. But then a couple of crazy twists and a new addition to the cast turns the plot on its head. Some of the ambiguity from the previous film disappears, and the story takes several bold steps into originality. Highlights include; a door that goes nowhere (or does it?), a map that doesn’t work (or does it?), and a surprise escape (or is it?). Spooks appear again, but are in no way integral to the plot, and there’s a nice appearance from an over-grown one that struggles to stomp down the corridor after the team. Throw in a brilliant excuse for continuing to film at the worst possible moments, and a nice coda at the end that explains motives, and you have a surprising little treat.

Maybe it was because my expectations were so low, but I had much more fun with this than its predecessor. I’m probably in a minority (judging by message boards and other reviews), but the touches of originality and differing style of the new director John Poliquin, meant that I really enjoyed this ride. Definitely worth a thought if you want a fear-filler for the evening. A further sequel doesn’t look likely at the moment, but if there is one, then sign me up …

An off-the-wall sequel done right! With enough flair and twists to enjoy … even if you disliked the first one.