HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (15)

Director: Tommy Wirkola
Written by: Tommy Wirkola
Starring: Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton, Famke Janssen

Revenge is sweeter than candy
 

Despite a promising looking trailer, and an excellent cast, this film has built up a lot of negative hype, which was stoked when the release date was delayed by almost a year. Mostly shot in 2011 and intended for March 2012 showings, cinema-goers in the UK now finally have a chance to see this horror-cum-fantasy film. Remember when “R” used the mantra in “Warm Bodies”, “Don’t be creepy! Don’t be creepy!”? Well, when I sat down in front of the screen for this movie, I found myself thinking “Please don’t be Van-Helsing! Don’t be Van-Helsing!” Dark fantasies and fairy-tale horrors don’t seem to have a good reputation in this genre. Can this confound the critics and beat expectations?

“Hansel & Gretel”, of course, expands on the fairy tale by the Brothers Grimm. Taking place in an unspecified mediaeval time and country, the prologue depicts the well-known story with the brother and sister being dumped in the forest by their parents and chancing upon the candy-house with the wicked witch. Having despatched her, the credits (a nice mediaeval diorama with great 3D effects) show them growing up and becoming mercenary “Witch-Hunters”. Now portrayed by Gemma Arterton and Jeremy Renner, they are hired by towns to find the missing children (Witches eat them. Obviously.) And also to execute the aforementioned non-humans. With a nice line in MacGyver gadgets that are well before their invented time, and a pissed-off attitude towards anything witchy, they get to work in one such town. However, they uncover a secret coven (led by Witch-Queen, Famke Janssen), who are preparing to enact a secret rite which will make them harder to kill. With the aid of some new friends, and a troll called Edward, they prepare to kick some Hag-Ass!

Okay. There are some things that don’t hit the mark with the film. Even for a 3D film, and one set often in deep forests in the night, the cinematography is quite murky and dark. The plot is silly, doesn’t stand up to scrutiny, and meanders all over the place (especially in the middle section). Some of the plot “twists” are telegraphed with neon lights and fog horns. And you can’t watch any scene with broomstick flying, without thinking they’re going to break into a game of Quidditch, or that a Stormtrooper is going to appear on a Speeder-Bike with an Ewok on his back!

However … for the life of me, I just do not understand the amount of vitriol and distaste that has been thrown at this film by most film critics. Some high-profile UK critics have already proclaimed it to be the worst film of the year! (In February? Have a crystal ball do you lads? You’ve obviously lost a sense of fun…). It’s a good, goofy romp and all the more enjoyable for it. It’s well directed by Tommy Wirkola (His first film after the great Nazi-Zombie movie “Dead Snow”) and there are some very nice set-pieces that work well in 3D (especially the flaming crossbow-bolt, and the slow-mo, morphing bullet shot). It also has a brilliant line in sly humour that is quite atypical of the genre. Parchments of missing children are stuck to milk bottles (mimicking the US campaigns). The siblings have a stalker, who collects pages of mediaeval coverage of their exploits (“Orphaned Siblings defeat Swamp Witch!!”). Gretel forms a friendship with the troll called Edward (STILL a better love story than Twilight!), which can’t be a coincidence! As mentioned, the brother and sister have souped-up gadgets, including the world’s first tazer and the earliest record-player! It’s all done with such an infectious knowing wink, that you can’t help thinking that one of the producers, Will Ferrell, suggested a few ideas! The (great) final line of the film could have been easily ripped out of an 80’s action film with Stallone or Swarzenegger. It kind of feels like that as well. 80’s action, with touches of “Evil Dead” (One villain is the dead-spit of the “Cellar Witch” and there’s a great physical fight with her in a cottage.). Where else these days can you see a large group of witches, being mown down by supernaturally charged Gatling gun? Incidentally, it’s really good to see the film NOT go down the PG-13 route. Bodies are ripped asunder and explode, heads are cut off, and the siblings swear like drunken sailors (Please take note, makers of “Die Hard 5” and “Taken 2”!!)

Of course it wouldn’t work at all, if not for the main actors. Arterton has a ball as Gretel! All bitchy attitude, she witch-slaps her way through the movie, dropping the F-Bomb as if there’s no tomorrow! Hopefully, she’ll be up for some more action-orientated roles. Hansel could have been played by any decent physical actor really, but at least Renner injects a bit of personality into the role. He becomes endearingly tongue-tied and goofy, when the local peasant girl puts the moves on him. Best of all though is Famke Janssen. She hisses and hams and coos her way through the lines, showing all how a real witch should act.

So in retrospect, it certainly isn’t the disappointment that “Van-Helsing” was. It’s not a work of art or an award-winning effort, but it is a good, fun-filled, bloody romp, with nicely judged performances and some off-the-wall humour. And at the end of the day … what’s wrong with that?

Despite some shortcomings, this is a good, unpretentious, silly romp. There are solid performances from Arterton, Janssen and Renner, and a nice line in sly humour. Witch-Hunt it out for some guilty pleasure.

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