THE LORDS OF SALEM

The Lords of Salem (18) 

Director: Rob Zombie / Screenplay: Rob Zombie

​Starring: Sherri Moon-Zombie, Bruce Davison

The Lords are coming

Whilst I recognise Rob Zombie as a talent, I kind of have a love/hate relationship with his work. I think that “The Devil’s Rejects” is a fantastic piece of work, and that the first “Halloween” remake he filmed is not too bad (despite the critical reaction across the board). However, “Halloween II” and “House of 1,000 corpses” leave me totally cold. Initial reviews from film festivals showing “Lords of Salem” also indicated that this would be his ultimate divisive piece of work. Some fans marked it as a masterpiece of paranoia and unease, but just as many others said it lacked a cohesive plot and was disappointing. Zombie himself said he took the project on, as he was promised creative freedom and wanted to do something original. As well as directing the film, he also wrote the story and was a co-producer. With the film getting a limited theatrical run, and a DVD release this week, YGROY takes a look …

After a brief pre-credits sequence, where a coven of witches are seen doing … witchy stuff in the Olde days, just outside the Olde town of Salem, we arrive in modern day Salem, Massachusetts. The film charts the events over seven days in the town, Monday through to Sunday. Heidi (Sheri Moon Zombie) is a dread-locked rock-chick, who works at the local radio station, and has an apartment in the aforementioned town. She’s part of “The Big H Team” with Herman (Ken Foree) and … err … Herman (Jeff Daniel Phillips). They’re basically shock-jocks who do local interviews and slag off record releases (complete with the incessant “humorous” sound-effects, that DJ’s think we need to hear). A vinyl record is dropped off at the station’s reception, specifically for Heidi and signed off by “The Lords”. Once Heidi listens to it, she is immediately affected by it and hallucinates about the witches from the pre-credits sequence. Not only that, but it also seems to affect other females in Salem when it’s played on the station during the next evening. As time goes on, Heidi becomes more frazzled and erratic, and the hallucinations become more vivid and disturbing. It soon becomes apparent that all is not well in the town. Could it have something to do with Heidi’s Landlady, Lacy Doyle? What is in Room 5 which is just down the corridor from her apartment? What’s it all leading to? And why the hell is there an emaciated woman standing in Heidi’s sink in the kitchen!?

The first 30 minutes of “Lords of Salem” is actually a well-structured set-up, which evokes memories of horror films from the late 60’s and 70’s. There is a slight feeling of unease, and plaintive guitar pieces play over the top of wordless scenes filled with soft-focus sequences of the lead actors. You could almost imagine Mia Farrow or Linda Blair walking into frame, and making themselves at home. Random scare-shots of a female spectral entity heightens the tension. Once Heidi enters Room 5, the next 30 minutes goes all Ken-Russell on us. There are random scenes of neon crosses, hairy demons, and stone-faced men walking goats in the cemetery (not making it up). The last 30 minutes just goes frickin’ mental, with some of the most abstract scenes you’ve seen in a film, since “2001-A Space Odyssey” made the next step in human evolution look like a night at the Travelodge! Zombie was actually quoted as saying he wanted the film to look like “Ken Russell directing The Shining”. Well, he’s sort of achieved that, but from where I sitting, it’s not necessarily a good thing. When “Beezlebub” or Satan himself turns up, and tries to impregnate a cast member with his tentacles, it looked like a pot-bellied skinned penguin, and I sort of lost patience with the imagery and atmosphere.

At its heart, the plot of “Lords” is actually a fairly simple narrative. It resembles “Rosemary’s Baby” in many ways, with controlling elder characters manipulating hapless younger-folk into dire straits. (NB: It’s probably my problem, but I always have issues when characters in movies are so passive and walk blithely into deadly situations). I personally can’t help thinking that if Zombie had kept the initial impetus and had done a straight-forward 70’s-feel demon-based horror, without the skinned penguins and w***ing bishops (they’re in there too!), it would have been an absolute cracker. Along the lines of Ti West’s “House of the Devil”, but even better! But that’s just my preference, and I can understand where Zombie is coming from. I suppose… It just doesn’t work for me. An ending would’ve been nice as well…

Where it does score highly is with the terrific cast. Along with blink-and-you’ll-miss-them cameos (literally!) from people such as Udo Kier, Michael Berryman, and Sid Haig, there is also Bruce Davison (“The Terminator”) and Ken Foree (“Dawn of the Dead”). Mostly it’s all about the ladies though. Zombie is often accused of nepotism, but Sheri Moon gives a fine performance here. Alongside her is Maria Conchita Alonso (“The Running Man”), Dee Wallace (“The Howling”) and Patricia Quinn (“Rocky Horror Show”). Best of all are; Judy Geeson (“Inseminoid”), the quintessential 60’s/70’s British actress giving a subtly menacing performance as Heidi’s landlady, and a jaw-droppingly raw (in ALL senses of the word) star-turn by Meg Foster (“They Live”) as the leader of the coven. But it doesn’t matter how good your cast is, when you have the mum from “E.T.”, the maid from “Rocky Horror”, and the lead actress of “Carry On England” drop down onto their knees and shout the line “You are the Dragon Lord, Satan! Come to us!” it just doesn’t seem right…

DVD Extras: Trailer. That’s your lot! Again. Remember ye olde days, when even the cheapest film would bung a “making of” documentary and gag reel onto a DVD release?  No? Just me then…

A pleasingly retro first half hour gives way to a series of abstract and faintly ludicrous images and set-pieces. Praise deserves to go to Zombie for gathering such an impressive genre heavy cast, and for concentrating on the female roles. However, it’s unlikely to make him any new fans and will test the patience of some existing ones. And as for Beezlebub…