Friday, 22 August 2014

KILLER CLOWNS

When I was kid, the only clowns I knew were those at the circus. Whether it was on that years TV special at Christmas or actually at a local big top during a tour. It was a more “innocent” age then. Nobody really thought about the treatment of the animals. More importantly nobody knew the damage that clowns were doing to their kid’s psyche! When you get past the age of 7-9, Clowns go from being a simple person dedicated to joy, to something that feels a bit off … Just what are they hiding behind that false smile, those baggy clothes? Why are their shoes so big? How the Hell do they all get into that tiny car?

Evil Clowns and Jesters have been regularly used in the media over the years. From Conrad Veidt’s portrayal of a disfigured man, with a rictus smile in “The Man who Laughs” (1928), right up to Heath Ledger as The Joker in “The Dark Knight”, the idea of a man with a fixed smile, but perverse intentions, has fascinated cinema-goers. Also the idea of a man using a clown’s visage as a mis-direction, took hold in the USA’s history of urban legends when it became known that the infamous serial killer, John Wayne Gacy, used to dress as a clown and entertain the local children. So from the cartoons of Scooby Doo, to the elaborate Halloween masks of the USA,  sinister clown figures has remained in the media, and specifically in the horror genre. With Ross Noble’s “Stitches” just finishing a cinema run, and Eli Roth’s “Clown” currently filming, it’s a good excuse to bring together some of the best clowns in horror.

Below is a collection of ten horror movies that included killer clowns and jesters. For the sake of sanity, I haven’t included clown dolls (“Poltergeist”, “Puppet-Master”, etc.), as scary as they are! I also haven’t included films, where the clown make-up is only there for minimal effect (such as Capt. Spaulding’s get-up in “House of 1,000 Corpses)


“IT” (1990)
This was a TV version of the Stephen King’s doorstop-of-a-book. I’ll be honest; I’m not a big fan of the book. It includes a “cosmic turtle” (?!), and some rather dubious … err … liaisons between the underage kids. The US TV version itself ignores the dodgier elements for a straight-forward telling of kids confronting a supernatural entity that kills children, and takes on the forms of their worst fears. The tale continues into their adulthood, when the returning “it” has to be confronted by them again. This isn’t really anything special. The final form of the creature is pretty dire. However it does get one thing VERY right! Pennywise the Dancing Clown! As played by Tim Curry, he is easily one of the most menacing and damned scary clowns you’ll ever see on a screen! With the full make-up, an orange fright-wig, baggy clothes and ever-present balloons, Pennywise is the most used form of the “IT” creature to communicate with the kids and his victims. Splendidly played by Curry, he sometimes appears as a goofy-voiced benevolent figure, eyes darting around with exaggerated movements. In the blink of an eye, he can also morph into a mad-eyed sharp-toothed version of the clown for uber-frights. This is THE bench-mark by which killer clowns are measured today. When a remake was mooted recently, there was uproar that nobody could play Pennywise but Curry! For one of the most chilling scenes EVER involving a clown, the moment where Pennywise entices a small boy into a sewer outlet with a balloon, is the pinnacle. “They all float down here Georgie…” Brrr…

“Killer Klowns from Outer Space” (1988)
Those with a long genre memory might recall the name of the Chiodo Brothers. The brothers specialise in puppetry and special effects, and are probably best known for creating the title creatures from the “Critters” films. They also did some of the puppetry in “Team America”. Their only directorial film is this little gem. A good-natured horror comedy with a neat line in dark humour. The “Klowns” are actually aliens, who just happen to look like wrinkly-faced Earth Clowns, and just happen to fly a UFO that’s shaped like a Circus Tent (what are the odds, eh?). There come to Earth to (of course) eat people. This is good wacky fun. Cotton candy is used to imprison victims, popcorn guns are used, and (best of all) balloon dogs come to life to track human. There’s still an element of gore and splatter though. The Klowns “drink” their victims’ blood whilst they are in Cotton Candy cocoons. One klown uses a victim’s corpse as a ventriloquist dummy, which his hand rammed in the back! At the end, there’s even a giant Klown on the rampage, brilliantly known as “Klownzilla”! Well worth seeing and a sequel has been long suggested, but yet to materialise.

“Stitches” (2012)
This is the first film starring the well-known stand-up comedian (or surrealist) Ross Noble. Another horror comedy, but a British/Irish one this time. Ross plays Richard Kindle, aka “Stitches the Clown”. Stitches is a pretty rubbish clown, jaded and bad-tempered, he would rather be back in his cliff-perched caravan, with the local “Clown-Whore”, then doing tricks at children’s parties. During one party, an unfortunate incident with some mischievous kids and a dish-washer, results in the loss of any eye, and then his life. The kids reach adulthood, but because Stitches never finished his show, this means in Clown lore that he can return. Zombie clown alert! This is splendid fun. One for gore hounds with a funny bone. Although Noble simply seems to be playing himself with a bad temper (no offence Ross!), his physical performance is rib-tickling! The sideways-arm-swinging-run, the pointless shuffle to one side on being seen, and the getaway on the smallest bike in the world, are all magnificently played by him. The film has a lot of fun with the horror expectations. Brains are scooped out with an ice-cream scoop, a funny animal is made from the intestines of a victim, and Stitches removes his red nose (it actually is his nose) which then rolls around the house “sniffing out” victims. Full marks for also including the (real-life) fact that clowns trademark their faces, by painting the design onto an egg. Very enjoyable.

“Clownhouse” (1989)
Clowns in horror aren’t just demonic entities, or Aliens, or Zombies. Oh no! Sometimes they are just homicidal maniacs, who escape from asylums and chance across a circus. As in this film… Three brothers go to the local circus, despite the fact that one of them has a morbid fear of clowns. But, wouldn’t you know it! This was the night that three mental patients break out of a psychiatric establishment. Running across the circus on their escape, they do in the resident clowns (as you do), steal their costumes, follow the boys’ home and basically terrorise them for the rest of the long night. It’s a well enough made movie. The film very much rides on the 80’s “slasher movie” band-wagon.  The psycho clowns wander around the house in the dark, and the film exploits the inherent sinister quality that the figures have in the dim light. Unfortunately, the film is infamous in the US for things other than the killer clowns. During the making of the film, the Director Victor Salva (who went on to make “Jeepers Creepers”) apparently molested the young lead actor and this resulted in a three year prison sentence. Sometimes films aren’t the scariest things in la-la land ….


“Funny man” (1994)
A thoroughly British horror/comedy film, lent more gravitas with a cameo performance by the one and only Christopher Lee. When “Jack-the-Lad” Max, wins a poker game against Mr Chance (Mr Lee himself); he obtains the deeds to a large ancestral home. Unfortunately he also attracts the attention of the resident demonic Jester known as “Funny Man”. Funny Man proceeds to off all-comers to the house with various inventive and gory methods, whilst cracking the worst one-liners known to man directly to the cinema audience. He stabs a one victim with a stiletto heel, because he doesn’t “get the point”. He kills another by attaching jump leads to her ears, because she was on a game-boy and kept saying “Jump!” I’m not making this up! The trouble with “Funny Man” is that it is not as funny as it thinks, or as gory as it wants. Funny Man himself is a wrinkled moon-faced Punch brought to life, with a bewildering array of broad English accents (for which the Yanks must have needed subtitles for), and constantly breaking the “fourth wall” to talk directly to the viewer and make sideways glances.  Chris Lee obviously filmed his role in a room by himself, and it consists of wry comments of the proceedings. Not big, or clever to be frank. The film just peters out at the end, a bit like this entry ….

“The Clown at Midnight” (1999)
This film is basically a clown version of “Phantom of the Opera”. A group of teenagers are refurbishing a dilapidated Opera House, when they start to be stalked by a clown lurking around the stage and the building. Turns out this building has a history of murder, and one of the teenagers is directly related to the victim. What’s a clown doing in an Opera House? Well, this is a classy tragic clown with cravat from the classical era, not your average fright-wigged idiot. The film is really more like a jazzed up “Murder, she wrote” episode, or a sub-standard “Scream”. Extra points are earned by having the great Christopher Plummer in a substantial role, putting far more effort into it than needed. Margot Kidder also appears. Overall, the movie is a bit “meh”. There’s not a lot of tension and the killer’s identity is fairly easy to ascertain. Bizarrely the film does turn up a lot on the Horror Channel and late night BBC movie slots.
“Out of the dark” (1988)
When you think of possible victims of a psychotic clown, phone-sex workers aren’t usually top of the list of suspects, and yet that’s what happens here. Mostly remembered for being the last film of Divine, this is a better-than-most entry in the dreaded “erotic thriller” sub-genre of movies. Yeah! You know what movies I mean! Those ones that play late-night on the cable movie channels, when you’re slumped in the armchair after getting back from the pub! The ones that have just enough hint of a plot, so that if the wife catches you, you can circumvent the naked girls by explaining exactly why the rogue ex-cop is making the beast-with-two-backs with the hooker, in order to catch a killer! Anyway … the mysterious (yeah, right!) killer calls himself “Bobo” wears a clown mask, and starts to harass the workers of “Suite Nothings”. Initially ignoring the ravings of the apparent bloke with a clown fetish, things get more deadly …. Also starring genre stars like Karen Black and Geoffrey Lewis, the film is nothing special, but is admittedly enlivened by the motif of “Bobo” and his clowny slashing skills.

“The Clown Murders” (1976)
Something of an oddity here. “The Clown Murders” is a straightforward thriller/horror, with very little comedy in it. Rarely available, it is probably more well-known for being on of John Candy’s first film roles. Here a group of four friends dress as clowns and kidnap one of their ex-girlfriends, who has just married a millionaire. As the plot progresses, it becomes clear that there is another clown stalking them and driving them to desperate measures. John Candy plays a rare non-comedic role here (even if he is always stuffing his face) and is quite good. The film as a whole doesn’t make a lot of sense and it never gets as violent as you would think from the title or the premise. There are some unusually creepy scenes, but on the whole you wonder whether the effort in tracking it down is actually deserved ….

“Slaughter High” (1986)
Very nearly called “April Fool’s Day” (before another film beat them to it) this film “from the makers of Friday the 13th”, was the archetypical revenge slasher flick. Although US funded, the film was made in the UK and starred Caroline Munro. Following a humiliating stunt on the school nerd, he becomes disfigured in an accident. Years later the high-school gang involved in the accident return for a reunion, but the school is deserted. Determined to “party” they make the most of it and start to be picked off one-by-one by a masked Jester. No prizes for guessing who that might be … For fans of the gory 80’s slasher films, this is actually quite well done and worth seeing, if you can get pass some of the dodgy US accents by the Brit actors. The murders are quite gruesome for the time and ghoulish. The best sequence being where the Jester killer has laced the canned beer with acid, the resident jock chugs it straight down … cue entrails! The gore was so extreme at the time that it was heavily cut, but restored on later releases. Probably the closest we ever came to a Jason Voorhees type clown/jester killer. But … beware. You may be driven to murder after the bloody awful ending!!
“Amusement” (2007)
There are actually a few Clown horror films that are released straight to DVD in the US and never really make it over to this side of the Atlantic. “Killjoy” (and its four sequels!) is one such franchise. One of the more recent versions of Clown-Based horror that did get a region 2 release is this film. This is your bog-standard adolescent revenge scenario horror film again. It explores the trials and tribulations of three women, who are stalked by a character called “The Laugh”. The film actually has a nice structure to it, with fractured set-pieces and flashback showing the various fates of the characters. The character of “The Laugh” is also well done, with an eerie laugh, and a great distorted clown mask. He also does a classic “holy-shit-that’s-not-a-doll!” scene. Somewhat unfairly maligned by sites such as “Bloody Disgusting”, this is not a bad little film and full marks to the filmmakers for trying something different with the format and oft-repeated story line. “That’s funny … right?”

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